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::Well... I've decided that as I write so much, and, well, rant so much, I should have a blog. Other than the password-locked files on my personal (now kaput) laptop, which itself is password-protected and always under my guard. So what if I keep my own thoughts under lock and key... I like it better that way.
Though really, its just safer not to let other people know about personal thoughts, it can lead to unwanted problems. I suppose I'm really just afraid that people will think what I say is stupid. I am always reviewing past conversations in my head and thinking, "No, not that, why did I say that? That was so stupid. probably thinks I'm an idiot." (Not an IDIOT. There's nothing wrong with IDIOTs, as a matter of fact I claim IDIOcy with pride. I'm talking generic, run-of-the-mill, ordinary-teenager-type idiot.) But the thing is, why do I care if they think I'm stupid? And I know, truly, they don't. For example, I think I've said, in the past week and a half, three stupid, idiotic things to my parents, one to my brother, and four to people who I consider potential friends.
To take a short break from my rant on stupid comments, I have to admit that I consider myself lacking of Charlottean friends. Oh, Alyssa's my MI best friend, closely followed by several people I talk to frequently online, and I have a few people in NC that I "Hi" message every once in a while. Either they seem overwhelmed...("Why won't this girl shut up? I'm busy") or don't bother to respond at all... (leaving me asking "are you there?" and feeling distraught).
Back to my (stupid) thoughts- These people, who I've blabbered to, are not of the variety to even think I'm stupid. And I obsess over this way too much. Especially considering some of the things I said were months ago. One New Years Resolution- stop thinking too much of the little things and keep my mind in the big picture.
It's a reality check I should do sometimes.
More than sometimes.
Always.
*Prayer: to keep my mind out of the little things and concentrate on making the most, keep the past in the past. also to study more and worry less. better grades this progress report and better understanding of the new testament, which so far is baffling me. amen*::
.:Arakatze blogged on 12/31/2003 10:59:00 PM:.
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.:Arakatze's Rant:.
Penguins, weasels, banana cakes, lemonade.
.:Profile:.
name: arakatze
quote:"I remember sitting in my car in the parking lot, overwhelmed with a single thought: That's what I want for my life: To be caught up in the sweep of history. To be in the center of things. To be making a difference. To be at the heart of the struggle between right and wrong, good and evil. My heart was almost breaking at the thought of a life of insignificance."
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