.::::.
::I am so majorly pissed right now I want to scream, throw something, break some glass and create a massive racket.
Yeah, so on top of all the other reasons I have way too much stress right now, prom will no longer be my relaxation.
And why?
Because I CAN'T GO TO THE POST-PROM PARTY.
And why is that?
Somehow my mom cares now that it's actually at a guy's house. It was fine to all stay the night over at Liz's house. Guys included. But now, oh no.... I can't go, and if I can, I have to leave before the party's really begun. So despite all the stuff I was going to do Saturday before rushing to prom... the stuff expressly wished for by my mother who is making me do it despite the fact I strongly don't want to... oh, and she has to blame it on me too, that she'll be coming and picking me up 'so late' (even though it's not late at all compared to... well... the night) after driving me around town all day!! Yeah, I really WANT to go to this english class and because I really WANT to sit at driver's ed and I really WANT all this pressure on me and absolutely no free time at all. Yeah, that's how I WANT my quickly dwindling time in Charlotte to be spent. And something that's relaxing for once- nope, can't do that either.
AAAHHHH.
Someone call me if you read this. I don't care who. Cell phone because house phone is a bad idea at this time... I need to just rant on and on in anger because this just..... just magnifies what I'm having to do now.
Stress is ridiculous.
Maybe I'll postpone driver's ed until summer.
Today is the first time I've truly sobbed.... for about as far back as I can remember. I hate getting emotional. It's just that... everything is tightening in on me and I have a million things to do and literally no time to do them. I have more stress than anyone should have... and I usually deal with stress. Not like this.
Ok, I'm done now.
Oh, and the choir thing tonight was fun. Singing in a small group is great. I had a solo :-). It just wasn't until I talked to my mom afterwards that I got so upset............
And really what a dumb entry this seems, as I check it over before I post it. Just................. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Someone please come open this tiny box that my life is in right now and let me breathe again. Take the world off my shoulders for a bit.
Relaxation. That's something that I might have heard of, once, in a fairy tale.
::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/30/2004 10:34:00 PM:.
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.:Wednesday, April 28, 2004:.
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::Today, while walking offstage, Rick said something that really made me think.
"You still going to that far-away place for a long time?"
"Yes... June will be my last month singing before Germany... It's really kind of sad."
"It's more than kind of."
It never really occured to me that, outside my parents, other people would regret that I'm in Germany. Sure, I've contemplated how I'll miss everyone, but that was the first time that I was actually sad I was going, and the first time I've thought how other people might be too. Even someone who I would not consider a best friend (though a mentor of sorts, Rick is a ... guy. And by that I mean guy way outside of my age group... lol) was thinking it was sad, more than kind of, that I'm going to be in Germany next year. I mean... wow. I don't know. It just sort of surprised me, that my presence will be missed... I mean, obviously I'm gone, and so people would care for... like... a week, until stuff gets back to normal and everyone will forget. But maybe not?
So it made me think. I'm not just affecting me by going. I'm not going to be the only one... well, that cares I'm going. If no one else, at least Rick cares. And to realise I'll be missed is almost baffling to think about.::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/28/2004 09:45:00 PM:.
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.:Monday, April 26, 2004:.
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::Whoo! I have internet back! After four days of being internet free, I realised I have things to do outside of the computer! However, I'm very glad to be able to get online again.
I sang at REALife tonight. It was.... erm, it was not half as good as singing at normal church. To be perfectly honest, the talent is nothing like singing on MidWeeks and weekends. Which reminds me... I'm singing... at church... right before prom... I don't particularly mind because I'm singing at Meck which I love. I just will have.... oh... about 45 minutes at home on the whole of Saturday to prepare myself for prom. Less depending on where we meet beforehand. The thing is, I'm not making such a huge deal out of it as most people are. It will be fun, no doubt, but it won't be the biggest event in my life. Maybe I should care more. Since it seems a lot of people are, I almost think I should. But... I don't have my shoes. Or my ticket. And I haven't altered my dress yet.
I can do that.... on.... um... oh wait. I forgot. There's no such thing as free time. I'll do it the middle of some night. While I'm multi-tasking and reading All the Pretty Horses, writing something, doing pre-cal homework, and digging through my room for things to sell at the garage sale (which, along with the 6 1/2 hour driver's ed, Meck-singing, and prom, is on May 1st.)
This reminds me of a quote I love from Dennis Miller:
"You know, contributing to our recurrent feelings of guilt is the fact that, in our day-to-day lives, we consistently overcommit ourselves, so there is always something we're failing to do. The average American's Day Planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles' dartboard. It's gotten to the point where I don't even have time to feel guilty, unless I multitask by also using that time to feel vaguely lackadaisical and kind of twitchy."
Anyway, I'm making a conscious effort to sleep this week (which is why I started my MWDS during pre-cal...). As it's 9.53 already, I really should go. Even though I don't really feel like it. But I need to memorise that New Deal sheet.::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/26/2004 09:56:00 PM:.
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.:Wednesday, April 21, 2004:.
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::Back from Meck. Service was very good. I took a Meck Institute class on Evangelism... it was extremely good. I really want to be an evangelist, I think- it's just a matter of, I guess, bringing it up.
Rick was back. That makes me feel much better, for some reason. It was kind of scary for two reasons... #1 I don't think he's ever not come even if he was sick, so he must have been really sick... all the way through weekend too... and #2 On last Wednesday we had no idea what we were doing without him. The service was just kind of bumpy.
So, um, yeah. He's better. Good.
And Whiteside's present is so going to rock, it is just... so... anomalous. ;-)
Btw- Help me in my search to evangelise. Come to my church. Meck RULES. Besides, we have a rock band. I mean... it's awesome. Very un-church-like, though the messages are great, and also hilarious. Particularly the movie clips.
My Christian filled post is over.
"Chicken pot pie-I think"::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/21/2004 08:39:00 PM:.
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::Agh. My mind is in too many twists and turns, desires mixed with conscience, feelings mixed with thoughts, sadness mixed with happiness.
This is going to be a short entry- I have Meck tonight... Hope Rick's back and not sick any more...
Whiteside's birthday present, if it turns out, will be cool. I just hope it works right.
Twists and turns. Creation of awkwardness v. creation of regret. Guilt v. guilt. Which should I choose...::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/21/2004 06:18:00 PM:.
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.:Tuesday, April 20, 2004:.
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::
Oh yeah. Orlando Bloom as my boyfriend? Awesome.
I'm not obsessed or anything. He's just... hot.
AGH. The mind does evil things. I've been in a vaguely good mood all day, mixed with a bit of confusion, a hint of envy, and a good portion of regret. *shakes head*::
.::::.
::1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"That's all right."
2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?:
A window.
3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
Extreme Home Makeover
4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is:
7.02pm
5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:
6.57pm
6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
Television in the background - Alec's watching something
7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?:
Walking home from babysitting Megan
8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?:
My own blog
9: What are you wearing?:
A mixed blues shirt with the Aida name and logo, and a blue denim skirt
10: Did you dream last night?
Yes, a completely and truly bizarre dream involving Rick from Meck. It was really weird.
11: When did you last laugh?
A few minutes ago, upon reading Huz's limerick comment on Cass's blog
12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?:
A picture I painted when I was 10, and a bunch of white paint. Oh, and also a big picture of me as a baby.
13: Seen anything weird lately?:
I go to Northwest. I see weird things everyday. I live weird things.
14: What do you think of this quiz?:
Odd, but rather fun.
15: What is the last film you saw?:
Kill Bill Vol. 1. Great movie.
16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:
A plane ticket to London and a ticket to Comedy Store Players the next time someone I really want to see (*cough* Paul *cough*) is a part of it and a ticket to see a Just a Minute taping. My secret dream...
17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I beat up a 12 year old when I was 9. He was picking on my friend.
18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?:
I'd like to say I'd make people more tolerant of idealogical differences, but when handed with that power, maybe I wouldn't be so noble. (I'd like to say I came up with that response, but Cassie did, and it was really good... so I kept it)
19: Do you like to dance?:
I love ballet and jazz. As for free-style dancing- I'd rather not. I'm trying to believe it had nothing to do with the whole Blake incident, but it may be something like that.
20: George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or some one who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?:
Does one need to ask? I'm so.... decided on this issue.... The latter.
21: Imagine your first/second child is a girl, what do you call her?:
Kira Arien
21: Imagine your first/second child is a boy, what do you call him?:
Alexander Evan, or Evan Alexander... I love both names (Not Alex though. Alexander.)
22: Would you ever consider living abroad?:
Hahahahaha! Considering I'm going as an exchange student to Germany next year, this seems an unnecessary question to answer.
23: Will you pass on this survey?:
If that means posting it on my blog.::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/19/2004 07:11:00 PM:.
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::I'm making a list of what I'd do if I had no inhibitions. It's easy, yet somehow revealing. It seems I have a lot of inhibitions. Particularly in regards to certain things.
Why don't I trust people enough... I have one confidante, who doesn't even live in the same state, and then sometimes I can be in a particularly truthful mood... but I do not trust, particuarly not easily...
A completely weird, short rant, but for some reason I felt like saying it.::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/19/2004 05:52:00 PM:.
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.:Sunday, April 18, 2004:.
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::Stupid APUSH crap.
I GET SLEEP! ON A SCHOOL DAY! I GET UP LATE... well, sort of. Later than 5.15, though! Great bonus.
I'm pretty tired. Allergies have been getting me down again.
I felt like blogging, but have nothing, really, except a feeling of extreme gratitude and vague tiredness.::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/18/2004 10:30:00 PM:.
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.:Thursday, April 15, 2004:.
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::I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less.
Ask me anything you want.
Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.....::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/15/2004 02:25:00 PM:.
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::"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."
Ellen DeGeneres.
"Seven out of ten people suffer from hemorrhoids." Does this mean that the other three enjoy it?
Sal Davino
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
Rodney Dangerfield.
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
George Carlin.
"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?"
Paul Merton.
"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own."
Les Dawson.
"The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney..."
Steven Wright.
"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."
Marty Feldman.
"If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it."
W.C.Fields
"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."
Robin Williams.
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
Steven Wright.
"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
Johnny Carson.
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
Charlie Brown.
"I've often thought that the process of aging could be slowed down if it had to go through Congress."
George Bush
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
David Letterman.
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
Oscar Wilde
"Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong."
Geoff Arbuthnot
"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
Jim Carrey.
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
Emo Philips.
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
Dick Cavett.
"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
Dave Edison.
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
Sue Murphy.
"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."
Jerry Seinfeld.
"A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree."
Spike Milligan.
"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."
Steven Wright.
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."
Mel Brooks.
"I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet."
Henry Youngman.
"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
Steven Wright.
"How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven."
Spike Milligan.
"My neighbor asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden."
Eric Morecambe.
"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest."
Rowan Atkinson.
"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."
Groucho Marx
"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
Tommy Cooper
"Security puts a premium on feebleness."
H.G. Wells
"I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less."
Eddie Izzard
"I have nothing to declare except my genius."
Oscar Wilde
"Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy."
Spike Milligan
"At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual."
Partick Moore
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."
A. Whitney Brown
"All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women."
W.C.Fields
"I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards."
Rudyard Kipling
"Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere."
George Burns
"If you cannot read this, please ask the flight attendant for assistance."
United Airlines Flight Safety Brochure
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’."
Homer Simpson
"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it."
Winston Churchill
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
Groucho Marx
"Is he just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way?"
Freddie Mercury on Billy Idol
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
Rita Mae Brown.
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
George Gobol
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
Brooke Shields (during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign).
"You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label."
Mark Twain.
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
Dave Barry
"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."
Groucho Marx
"When you cook it should be an act of love. To put a frozen bag in the microwave for your child is an act of hate."
Top chef Raymond Blanc
"It's OK for him to prance about in the kitchen spending hours cooking, but I bet he doesn't have to juggle picking up the kids from school and running a house."
An un-named mother's response to M. Blanc.
"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
Albert Einstein
"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."
Stephen King
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
Mark Twain
"If it weren't for the killings, Washington would have one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
Mayor Marion Barry
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
Richard Jeni
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
Napoleon Bonaparte
"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often."
Oliver Herford
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart
::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/15/2004 01:09:00 PM:.
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::Having a lazy day.
Not cleaning the kitchen as I should be.
My spacebar is going funky. Will occasionally just not work.
Tomorrow should be fun. I want to go back to sleep. Spent from 7.30-10.00 or so waiting in two different lines. Ooh, exciting, and so worth getting up early for. Not.
Does blogger allow for pasting of pictures?
http://geocities.com/eowynantics/pics012.jpg Well, just click there if it doesn't work... good picture :)
::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/15/2004 12:58:00 PM:.
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.:Tuesday, April 13, 2004:.
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::That was so much fun.
Someone in my family ate one of my Cadbury's Cream Eggs. I ration them out and treasure them as gold, so I am deeply offended. When I find the culprit, they will pay. At least for another egg. Preferably more. I love those things... Besides, they're the only kind of eggs (well, other than malted eggs..) that I can actually eat. If anyone wants to get on my good side, give me Cream Eggs. I am deeply and fully addicted.
I think my dad is the culprit.
I have a GREAT picture from today. I am putting it in that one picture frame in my room which is on display, but has no picture.
It's such a great picture. It deserves a place in my Charlotte Photo Album... I'm going to start doing albums for different places I've lived, but Charlotte is no. 1 on my priorities list... I will bring it to Germany and show my new host family all of the crazy people I know.
However, the craziness doesn't really come through in the pictures... mostly... so they shouldn't be scared. I hope.
I can't believe that us, as a group of teenagers, spent nearly four hours on my trampoline. But it was so much fun! It was great. I haven't had that much fun on a trampoline since.... oh, I guess when Madison and I threw Megan across the trampoline and she did a flip, that was really funny... but did not equal the hilarity that ensued any time Nick tried jumping, and ended up injuring someone... inevitably.
::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/13/2004 11:53:00 PM:.
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::Party today! Only it isn't going to be a DDR party, with no DDR. Oh well. How about a .. um .. trampoline party, or something? We have a trampoline, and one TV, and that's about it when it comes to group entertainment. Then again, my brother can either be hilarious and entertaining, or annoying as hell... he could be fun to have around or be necessarily banished.... I have my laptop and my piano and my keyboard upstairs and my stereo for just me (Rebecca St James is blaring right now... I love this CD and am eternally greatful to Alec for giving it to me...)... but for a group? My house is sadly unprepared. We do have pictures from everywhere we've been... and... um... Ok, fine, this isn't going to be a party based on entertainment. It will have to be based on people. And that's fine... even though there's not that many of us... it will certainly be fun! Liz... remember the icing... ;-)
I should go make some enchiladas to cook when everyone's hungry. And some cookies. And some queso. And some other stuff.
Chocolate chip cookies don't go well with Mexican food, do they? Hmmm....
I know how to cook about six things well. Enchiladas (my recipe), queso, two types of cookie, minestrone, and macaroni and cheese (not the stuff from the box...does that even constitute as cooking?). So that makes for a limited selection of food today.
For some reason my hair isn't frizzy right now. It's awesome.
*Yawn* I couldn't sleep last night, I have no idea why, so I stayed up till about 1.30 watching old British WLiiA? episodes on my laptop (I love the holiday one, the only episode I have with BOTH Tony Slattery and Paul Merton- what an awesome treasure that is, they're my two faves, and so funny! Watch it. (http://idiotsite.com - you can get it there) And be entertained.)
Strange stream of consciousness. I have to finish my German application.
See you all in a couple hours. ::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/13/2004 02:45:00 PM:.
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.:Friday, April 09, 2004:.
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::Chocolate party! It was great. Chocolat is a good movie. Johnny Depp. ;-) Too much chocolate can give one a sudden craving for healthy food...
We went to the Apple store and read people's blogs. Wow. Very funny. What was crazy was that anyone could use the computers and no one cared. Borders... we looked at those romance novels. I need a smutty romance novel to read and laugh at. Hahahahaha.
Chocolate party= DDR + Fun and craziness + Calm and tiredness + chocolate fondue + chocolate icing (gone missing, now) + Heidi, Allison, Liz, Val, staying up late and getting up early + Gossip + Gossip + Gossip = Fun, fun, great times.
I think my laptop hates me. My NEW cord isn't working right. Same problem as the old cord. I don't DO anything to it... except plug it in...
I left my cell phone charger, iPod charger, and a few other things in the trunk of Nick's car. Not a big deal, although my cell phone has been on for three days consecutively and still seems to have plenty of power.
I feel like frolicking (Spelling? Frolicing?) in tall grass-SPRING BREAK!, or going upstairs to my room, putting on depressing music, and writing, for no particular reason. It just sounds appealing.
No school for 10 days. :-)
DDR party at my house on Tuesday, time to be determined. If you're invited, and there's a group of people who should know they're automatically invited, in some way I will get the time to you.
*yawn* I'm exhausted.::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/09/2004 03:04:00 PM:.
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.:Thursday, April 08, 2004:.
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::
What Irrational Number Are You?
You are √2
You are in good company, many other square roots are also irrational numbers. Just by being a square root you have been branded a radical. You are considered very attractive, especially by Europeans (at least on paper.)
You fear that a relationship with another √2 may somehow end up complex and ultimately imaginary. In reality, only another √2 will make you whole.
Um. Ok. It doesn't really sound like me. "radical"- well ok, maybe a little. "very attractive","fear a relationship may end up complex and imaginary","only another √2 will make you whole."-strongly disagree on those points.... and what's up with those Europeans? on paper?::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/08/2004 04:44:00 PM:.
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.:Sunday, April 04, 2004:.
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::
Huh. My best friend... A sarcastic demon. All my best friends are sarcastic to some extent. Demons... well, some. Muahahahahahahaha. Wanderer? So, so, so, so, so... true. Normal?! Help.
Wanderer is true. So did I tell you? Yeah, we're moving again. Back to stupid Michigan. (Alyssa, take this as no insult to you, but you're the only thing I like in MI.) Not till the end of the school year.
This sucks so tremendously. I won't go. Do I have a patron house until, at least, July 29th, when I start Congress-Bundestag? I was looking forward to June and July.
I could probably use a hug right now.::
.:Arakatze blogged on 4/04/2004 04:00:00 PM:.
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.:Arakatze's Rant:.
Penguins, weasels, banana cakes, lemonade.
.:Profile:.
name: arakatze
quote:"I remember sitting in my car in the parking lot, overwhelmed with a single thought: That's what I want for my life: To be caught up in the sweep of history. To be in the center of things. To be making a difference. To be at the heart of the struggle between right and wrong, good and evil. My heart was almost breaking at the thought of a life of insignificance."
!>
