.::Cold::.
::I'm in Michigan. I am not happy.

Erm, yeah.

I'm at Deanna's house, it's fun.

I don't like Kensington half as much as I like Meck. I want Meck. *whines in little kid voice*

I can't wait until I go to Germany. I am dying of cold in Michigan. I hate hate it.

I have to go to Davidson. What if I can't get accepted? I have to get accepted! I... have to! My parents will let me go. But I have to get accepted. Would a college not want a girl who graduated at 15, has a verbal SAT of 740, is being a German exchange student... well, my class ranking is like 37 since I graduated with the seniors. My GPA is 3.9. Which is not bad but it's NOT 4.0. Would a college want a 16 year old who is bilingual? Well.... I've only taken 2 AP classes. Got a B in one of them. I only went to one year of high school. I will be out of country at time of application. Would a college want a girl who can't afford it? I really, REALLY want to go to Davidson. I want to double major in music and english........ I want to live in Davidson, I want to live AT Davidson, this is my new ambition and I am going to make it come true.
I have to get a peer recommendation for my application. I wonder who might do it? Also a teacher..... Whiteside, I'll ask, no doubt. If I need another adult, Rick'll do it, he did mine for Germany and he didn't even really approve. (My mom said he was like a 'concerned older brother' the other day... hahaha, or something...)

Oooh, I'm watching a tape of Andy and his sister, according to Deanna, that's cool, that's really good.

I want a recording of Meck...right now. Okay, I have one. I'll console myself with this one. "This is Your Life".::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/28/2004 02:26:00 PM:.
...
.::The Awesomeness of Rick::.
::I love Rick.
Why, you might ask?
Because he's recording Meck songs!!! And putting them on the website!!!! For me!!! While I'm in Germany, so I can see what Meck's doing and all!!! So I can listen to Meck band.... While I'm in Germany.... the new songs.... I can still sorta hear the current arts team stuff....
*exuberant*
That's SO AWESOME!!!! AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME!!!! I get to hear Meck...I get to hear Meck... I get to hear Meck while I'm gone.... I GET TO LISTEN TO MECK WHILE I'M GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THANK YOU RICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:-D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/23/2004 09:38:00 PM:.

.::I...::.
::I want :: To stay in Charlotte. To go to Davidson College because it's a nice school outside of Charlotte and ... great location, great everything... I want to have recognition and know myself better than I know other people. I want someone to tell me exactly what I want out of life. I want chocolate. I want Meck forever and always with me. Oh, this was a dangerous thing to start with...
I have :: A crazy life, a scholarship to Germany, many morals and quite a bit of access to my mind. People who like me and a family who loves me. Meck.
I wish :: I could cry when I'm sad.
I crave :: Love.
I need :: Meckkkkkkkkkkkkk. My Meckish journal. My instrument- piano. My mementos.
I regret:: Much too much to list here.
I love :: Meck. Arts. Arts team. Life. Learning. School. Reading. Harry Potter. Organization. Chaos. Getting letters in the mail. Singing. Acting. Dancing. Making envelopes. Playing piano. Rickdawnfossjenniferkristinadawnshirleyemilydana.... that combination of wonderful people...
I hate :: When I don't know what to think. When I can't think straight. When I fail.
I miss :: Sisterhood parties. Guiltless crushes. Money. Babysitting for Megan and the Goodwins. My laptop's power.
I fear :: Guilt. Serious mistakes.
I see :: Only what I wish to.
I search :: for guiltless living.
I wonder :: If I can get in to Davidson.::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/23/2004 12:45:00 AM:.

.::Juneau, Alaskerfuffle::.
::I just had a positively brilliant conversation.

Hey, who knew 'Alas' and 'Kerfuffle' would combine into a sporky replacement for 'Alaska'?

Or that marshmallows, batteries, duct tape, and the Force all have something in common?

Or the perfect design for another Finding Nemo envelope?

Hehehehe.
This is fun!


And to think, I was perfectly miserable packing only an hour ago...::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/23/2004 12:26:00 AM:.
...
.::Meck ::.
::Meck people are the best people ever.
Why?
Well, I brought a sheet from my Charlotte photo album to have them sign. Here are a couple excerpts.
"Have a great time... but not TOO great- we want you to come home! Love, Kristina."
"Allison, Have a WONDERFUL time and think of us often because we will be thinking of you! Godspeed! Dawn Shirley"
"Dear Allison, We will all miss you so much! It seems that whenever I am on to sing, you are on also. I will miss sitting & talking with you & of course singing with you. You have a beautiful spirit. Enjoy your time away! Love, Dawn Foss"

See?
And Kristina gave me a journal as a collective present. It's green, with purses and shoes on it. I love it. Not only that, but Dawn Shirley, Kristina of course, Pastor Jim, and Rick all wrote little letters in it for me. :) I didn't even know Pastor Jim knew I was leaving. So it's very nice.
[excerpt from Kristina's letter] "May God continue to speak through your sweet spirit... Germany will be better because you're part of it."
[excerpt from Dawn's letter] "While you are gone, you will be thought of often and in all of our praers. Your infectious smile and your big, beautiful heart will be sorely missed by all! Take care my friend and have a wonderful time! Keep us posted on your adventure!"
[Pastor Jim's letter]"Allison- What a joy you have been to our entire church & specifically our arts team. I will hope & pray that your year abroad deepens your faith & sharpens your vision for making an impact for Christ in this world. In Christ- James Emery White."
[Rick's letter, and I love this one...]
"Allison- Repeat after me.
Boys are bad.
Boys have germs.
Throw hard rocks. Often...
First of all, I think your parents are very brave. I don't know if I could let my daughter do what you are doing! That being said... I am very proud of you & your accomplishments. It is always a joy & pleasure to serve with you and you will be missed. While you are away, live every moment. Don't ever be bored. Enjoy the friendships, the culture, the landscape. This is a great moment for you! And as you go, may God go before you & behind you and beside you. Think on Him often. Learn His love, His patience, His grace, His mercy.
...And always keep some rocks handy!
Blessings!
Rick"

Meck people are the best people.
Oh Lord... I'm leaving.
!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today was my last day singing.
It's only now just hit me.
I am SO going to keep in touch.
Meck people are the best people... ever...::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/20/2004 10:44:00 PM:.
...
.::salmon and fish eyes::.
::Life is an interesting thing sometimes.

Last night, I hung up the phone and wished I was one of those people who can just have a fit of sobbing in a particularly hard crunch of emotion. I wished that more than anything. But I couldn't.....

Meck is so great. WHY AM I LEAVING?! NO!!
At least tomorrow Rick will sign my photo page, hahaha he's been putting it off so much, that's SO like him, he's not the signing type. However he did just get a really cool pen. I am in awe of this pen. It's really cool. It's silver, quite heavy, narrowed (that's why it arrived at Meck today, it had been sent away to get narrowed) and it has three tines instead of two and writes very well. I want a pen like this one. It is really, really cool. It's sort of like my calligraphy pens, only much better quality, with plain dark ink without the various cartriges, heavier, silver, and three-tined. So actually it's really not like my calligraphy pens... I want it though. I love good pens.

I also want a recording of Meck. Dawn's song was so pretty today. Kyrie was....*sigh* AWESOME!!!!! Its an 80s song, Kyrie Eleison, you may have heard it, if not, ask your parents, I'm sure they have. It's SO good. And it sounds great with Rick's voice, it's in a high key and it sounds realllllly good. And I'm doing backup which is exciting because I'm generally not put on backup. But I'm singing backup for two songs this weekend! Jennifer's solo and Kyrie. Very good... very good...
Dawn Foss told me I had a beautiful voice today. :) It brightened my day.
And the completely, totally random conversation with Rick about dead fish was also day-brightening.... because it was pure, unadulterated, random sporkiness. I mean, come on. Salmon and dead fish. And fish eyes. It's sporky.::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/19/2004 09:38:00 PM:.
...
.::a confessional of sorts::.
::Sometimes I think it would be a lot easier were I just not alive at all. Life just has a way of being confusing.
And by life I do mean me.

Serious Times is a great book. Read it. Now. I'm so glad I bought it. Here's one of my favourite quotes:
"I remember sitting in my car in the parking lot, overwhelmed with a single thought: That's what I want for my life: To be caught up in the sweep of history. To be in the center of things. To be making a difference. To be at the heart of the struggle between right and wrong, good and evil. My heart was almost breaking at the thought of a life of insignificance."
(~James Emery White)
That part really spoke to me... because I feel that, whenever I read a good book, see a good adventure movie, (particularly the star wars saga when I was about 9 or 10, that was when it really hit me... oddly the same saga that P.Jim is referring to in this quote, the inspiration for feeling..) or hear a good hero story... I wish to be like that.
One thing I fear most is to be forgotten.
I know I move a lot. I think the nicest card in the whole world that anyone could ever get, I got from Janet Violi when I moved away from Michigan. In it, she said that she was glad she had gotten to know my family and me, and that maybe God was moving us around so much so we could touch the lives of people like her, people that knew me...
I was so incredibly touched by that card.
I truly am scared of being forgotten.
As selfish as it sounds, I really, really hope Rick mentions/does something about my last weekend...why? partially because I hate feeling insignificant, or a sidethought, or... oh, I don't know, my mind is too complicated for me to figure out so much of the time.

Oh, and after watching Monk, I realise how many obsessive-compulsive tendencies I have. Just sad.
I don't know that I've ever gone through and told this to anyone, ever... for about two years, age maybe 11-13 at worst, but certainly pushing through to 14, I was extremely obsessive-compulsive. I had to wash my hands a certain way at certain times, had to recite certain prayers to myself at certain times of the day and after certain events, or something for sure would happen, something horrible. After a while, the prayers, which really weren't prayers in the sense that I pray now but more of just a chant, a mantra, they became so time-consuming that it actually became an issue. I became extremely phobic of two things: dying and throwing up. I have no idea why, since for both of these worrying has no effect, but I was (and still am, though not to the same extent) absolutely terrified. Stayed up all night crying thinking about it. I developed a bad stomach problem that could possibly have developed into something worse, and had to visit several doctors and even make a hospital visit. I couldn't exactly tell anyone what was exactly wrong- "I think that it's because I'm so scared of throwing up that I actually bring myself to the brink of throwing up because of worrying"... does that even make sense? I think not. And little by little I started to get over it- first I shortened the mantra-chant-prayer-things, and eventually managed to not feel excessively guilty when forgetting. One major downfall that I remember, made it all ten times worse, was September 11th. I had forgotten one of the major safety night prayer sections, and tried to think nothing of it when I fell asleep. And then I woke up to find the country in turmoil and planes hitting buildings, my brother woke me up after the first one... I can say that I never forgot anything again, and doubled or tripled my sections, for about a year afterward. Thank God, I think I'm pretty over this now. I no longer have to do the chants or wash my hands in a certain way (though I'm fairly anal about always washing my hands) and I no longer feel like I must take full responsibility for the world's problems. There's nothing I can do. I'm still terrified of dying, yes. I won't take any risks, really... I worry myself of all the worst-case scenarios that would most likely never happen... and I still am extremely throwing-up-phobic... but that's okay, I don't have the same worry stomachaches or anything like that. I am very particular about some things (like math and chemistry homework being perfect... sadly I turned in a pre-cal assignment late because it was all messy and had to be fixed...) but not so particular that it could really cause me harm of any sort...
I have no idea why I felt the need to say that.
Well? It's out there now. That's something no one knows about me. My parents, my friends, no one... until now, I guess, if I even post this. I'm optimistic, happy, not the type to be drawn into a vicious worry-disorder... I've escaped the trap, mostly.
I've read up on anxiety, phobias, OCD, and various other related psychological topics. Of course I now realise how crazy all of that is, but sometimes for safe measure I occasionally repeat a prayer...

Sorry for the painfully long entry. There's other things I need to think through, but I'm not putting it on my public blog...ohmygodimsuchanidiotsometimes...something is preventing me from what I want and that is emotion, but without emotion, how would I know what I wanted...

And yeah. I think that maybe that should be out there. The vicious cycle of anxiety that I still struggle with but not to the extent that I did before. Alyssa, my life is nowhere near perfect. Actually, any of those sadly mistaken people who thought my life is preferable to theirs, think again. We all have our own problems. I'm still glad I'm the person I am today and proud of overcoming my own personal obstacle with no help from the outside world. I am glad to be Allison weird and all, smart and sometimes downright idiotic, anxious and scared, happy and exuberant, Meck-loving Nemo-loving WLiiA-loving Just a Minute-loving laugh-loving fun-loving smile-loving...me-loving.
I guess that's a strong personal conviction.

Of course, that's the independant thought. Bring in people, and things can be a little different....

But...yeah...that's it...
a confessional of sorts..::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/18/2004 10:25:00 PM:.
...
.::*sigh*::.
::Today was so awesome.
I just got my SAT scores... like 5 minutes ago.
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYY!!!! is all I have to say about that. Not as good as SOME people I know *coughHeidicough* but certainly not much lower in verbal, and decent in math....
Today was just so AWESOME.
I start driving on Saturday. Bailey loves me, I have good-kid privileges in his class...
Shrek 2 is hilarious.
I am going to start on The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy tonight, though I'll hold of some of it until that long, long plane ride...
*sigh*ALYSSA!!!!.... NOW I know what you said.... well, okay, I'm glad it was something I had actually said as opposed to, you know, other stuff... I don't know...
Tonight kicked some serious ass... it was just fun!
I can't hear out of one of my ears... well, I can, it's distorted...

Final goodbyes are sad.

I wish they were not so very final...seeming...

A sigh of regret, a sigh of happiness, a sigh of future and past and wishes and dreams and lyrics and everything else in this world...::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/17/2004 10:47:00 PM:.
...
.::oops, forgot...::.
::Forgot a quote:

Dustin: "That's not proper English!"
Cortez: "Yeah it is, but it's eeeeeeeee-bonics!"::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/15/2004 10:51:00 PM:.

.::What, I've never held no black person's hand before!::.
::Driver's Ed has become hilarious.
We have mostly black ghetto kids. I don't know what's up with this, why are all the black kids such coordinated friends? They all know and like each other and they all know each other's name and they've hardly talked! It's like... magic telepathy, or something... White kids are so uncoordinated in this way.
We also have Psychopathic Stereotypical Louisiana Country Hick Boy. He's positively hilarious. He's got the most unclassy thick Southern accent, which is funny, and is funny anyway. He's a bit slow at times and psychopathic, hence the title Psychopathic Stereotypical Louisiana Country Hick Boy. A cute Psychopathic Stereotypical Louisiana Country Hick Boy, but his mind is just not all there...

Sterotypical Ghetto Boy=Kendric
Psychopathic Sterotypical Louisiana Country Hick Boy=Dustin
Little-Kid Stereotypical Ghetto Boy=Cortez

Quotes of the Day:
Dustin (upon seeing the word 'vignette', in thick Southern accent): "What's a vigg-nett-ee?"

Dustin: "Speak proper English."
Kendric: "Okay."(deep breath)"How are you doing, Dustin?"
Dustin: "Good, peace homedogg yo."
Kendric: "I get my drizzle to the shizzle bo-fizzle, you know what I'm sayin'?"

Kendric: "You know how them white people always bein scared of black people? We ain't scared of you, ain't no black people goin around bein scared of white people."
Dustin: "We aren't scared of y'all!"
Cortez: "Why you say 'y'all'? Just say 'you'!"
Dustin (bewildered): "But I'm talkin not just to you, I'm talkin to all y'all!"
Cortez (the word 'duh' completely evident in his speaking manner): "I konw, but you can still say 'you'."
Dustin (very nonplused): "But I'm talking to all y'all! Not you!"
(And this continues. Until the end of lunch.)
::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/15/2004 04:02:00 PM:.

.::Survey::.
::[x] Part 1 -- The Basics [x]

What's your name? :::	Allison
Birthplace :::	Arlington, TX.
Age :::	15
Age you act :::	Older than 15... or at least, people seem to think that I'm older than I actually am.
Current location :::	Charlotte! Yay!
Eye color :::	My eyes are two slightly different colours... they're both greenish greyish bluish but the left one's more bluish.
Hair color :::	Light brown.
Right, lefty or ambidextrous? :::	Right, but I'm working on ambidextrocity (I'm making it a noun if it isn't one.)
Zodiac sign? :::	Pisces!!!
Height? :::	"Too tall" as many people would say.
[x] Part 2 -- Describe... [x]
Your heritage/nationality :::	Lots of stuff. Polish and Romanian mostly.
Your hair :::	Frizzy, curly, when it's properly defrizzed it's pretty, when not, it's...very not.
Your fears :::	Irrational and very multiple.
Your perfect room :::	Dreamy... floor waterbed, sea greeny and bluey and purply... lots of fluff and flowy curtains
What you practically do in a day :::	Everything
[x] Part 3 -- What is/are... [x]
Words you overuse :::	Spork.
Phrases you overuse :::	the best ____ EVER!
Your first thought when you wake up :::	What time is it?
Your greatest accomplishment :::	I don't know... getting into CBYX, graduating at age 15... that kind of thing
Something you want to do :::	Go to Denmark.
[x] Part 4 -- This or that [x]
Pepsi or Coke :::	Pepsi, I don't like Coke.
McDonald's or Burger Kings :::	Ewwww. McDonald's is nasty crap... but so is Burger King, I'd just rather not eat at all.
Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera :::	No thanks.
Chocolate or vanilla :::	Chocolate!
Adidas or Nike :::	Aren't those shoes? I think so. I don't really care about shoes, I like them tall and girlish... not tennis shoes, so... neither.
Black or white :::	Both.
Bills or Coins ((Think $$$)) :::	Bills, I hate coins.
Burgers or hot dogs :::	Neither.
Egypt or France :::	BOTH! I'll be close to Paris but I'd LOVE to visit Cairo... :-D
Rock or rap :::	Rock.
[x] Part 5 -- Do you...[x]
Smoke :::	No.
Cuss :::	Not really.
Sing well :::	I guess so... I've got SO much room for improvement, but people tell me I do...
Sing in the shower :::	All the time, I keep my brother's CD stereo in the bathroom. (Sadly.)
Talk to yourself --a lot-- :::	Sorta, not really.
Believe in yourself :::	Yes.
Like taking these longass surveys? :::	Yeah!
Play an instrument :::	Yep, for a long, long time.
Want to go to college? :::	Of course.
Want to get married? :::	It'd be fine but it's not my life goal or anything
Want to have children? :::	Not really, I'd be a horrid parent
Think you're a health freak? :::	I try to be...
Get along with your parents :::	Very well.
Get along with your siblings? :::	Mostly... kind of... I love my brother, but we've got very clashy personalities
Think you're popular :::	It depends...
[x] Part 6 -- In the past month have you..[x]
Gone out of state :::	I think so...
Drank alchohal :::	No.
Smoke :::	No.
Get high :::	No.
Done any drugs :::	No.
Eaten an entire box of oreos :::	I've eaten two and a half in the last two and a half weeks...
Been on stage :::	Yep, graduation.
Gone skinny dipping :::	Never have done that. No, really.
Been dumped :::	No...
Dyed your hair :::	No.
Stolen anything :::	No.
[x] Part 7 -- Your friends! =D [x]
Craziest :::	Ooh, hard. All of them.
Loudest :::	Simon. (j/k. of course.)
Most shy :::	Simon. (truthfully this time.)
Blondest :::	Liz
Smartest :::	Heidi
Kindest :::	That's hard. Probably...hmmmmm.... I really don't know. Nick. He drove me everywhere.
Best personality :::	All of them, of course.
Most talented :::	Hrmm.... Rick.
Best singer :::	See above.
Most ghetto :::	Liz, of course. She drives Shaneequa.
Drama Queen ((or King XP)) :::	Nick. Jesse. Me, I guess... ;-)
Pain in the ass :::	Alan (in a good way...sort of.)
The one you just want to strangle to death ((Homer Simpson style)):::	See above. (No, I mean this in a good way! Actually, no, I don't.)
Funniest :::	That's WAAYYY too hard.
Best person for advice :::	My Kau journal! Because it doesn't give any.
Dependable :::	Nick, I think...
Trustworthy :::	My Kau journal, seeing as how it doesn't talk...
Druggie :::	Graeson. (Not a close friend, but a chem-table-friend, and he fits the most.)
Most likely to end up in jail :::	All of them. Erm, I mean... None of them.
Person you've known the longest :::	Out of my closest friends, Alyssa.
[x] Part 8 -- The Last... [x]
Last dream :::	I don't remember.
Last nightmare :::	Before auditioning for the arts team. Quite a while ago... like, in September.
Car ride :::	Coming home from drivers ed, like 20 minutes ago
Last time you cried :::	I don't remember, I think it was when I was really mad at the principal of Midwood.
Last movie seen :::	True Lies!! ("Have you killed anyone?" "Yes, honey, but they were all bad."
Last movie rented :::	The Company
Last book read :::	So What's the Difference? (Great Christian book!)
Last word said :::	Oreo.
Last curse word said :::	Hell. (If that counts.)
Last time you laugh :::	At Dustin, today.
Last phone call :::	To my mother, asking her... I don't remember....
Last CD played :::	The "And God looked down upon this group of Radiohead songs, and said, "It is Good," Vol. 1" CD
Last song you listened to :::	That song that's always being played on 91.9... the "People get ready Jesus is coming" song
Last annoyance :::	Being held to almost 7 hours of drivers hell... I mean, ed.
Last IM :::	10 seconds ago
Last weird encounter :::	Drivers Ed. Psychopathic Country Hick Boy.
Last person you hugged :::	Nick, or Jesse, I forgot who was first...
Last person you yelled at :::	Alec, probably.
Last time you wore a skirt :::	Two days ago (that's almost a record, it's quite a while ago!)
Last time you've been evil :::	Erm..... today......
Sarcastic? :::	Today.
Last time you fought with your parents :::	Long time ago, don't remember when.
Last time you wished upon a star :::	Long time ago
Played Truth or Dare :::	Yesterday, sort of. Well, Truth.
Spent quality time alone :::	I call it 'boring time alone'. Yesterday, sort of.
[x] Part 9 -- I swear this is the last one! -- Randomness [x]
Are you talking to someone on AIM :::	Yep.
Do you feel lonely :::	Nope.
Ever TP'd someone's house :::	Nope.
How about egging someone's house :::	Nope!
Do you not like dislike not like me? :::	Sure, if you like dislike don't like dislike not me!
Ain't Eminem and 50 Cent just fine? :::	See above answer.
Yo Momma :::	is so dumb, she failed a pregnancy test!
Ever been so hungry you felt like you could eat the person next to you? :::	Erm...no.....
What do you think of George Bush? :::	He's better than Gore.
Any secret fetishes? :::	Erm...no......
Do you like to wear chains? O_o :::	Erm....no.....
How many languages do you speak? :::	One and a half.
Damn.. are your fingers tired? Cause mine sure are! :::	No...
Glad this is over? ((Say yes and I'll stalk you =P)) :::	Nope!

Bored? ((Over 100 questions)) brought to you by BZOINK!::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/15/2004 03:57:00 PM:.
...
.::I'm a bad influence on myself::.
::I've decided I thoroughly hate driver's ed.

Radio is a good movie.

I am still in a bit of a regretful mood, I suppose I'll get over it...?

I am also still wondering who that third commenter was on the post directly below this one.

I woke up this morning completely unable to speak. Sort of like one of those bad monster dreams where something's chasing you, you can't say a word, only it wasn't scary.... I just simply could make no sound come out of my mouth. After the hellish drivers ed, I discovered that I could speak... sort of, in a froggish entirely lower octave. Good thing rehearsal was cancelled today, I'm going around the house attempting to sing (though it's not helping much) so that I'll be all good on Wednesday. This is.... interesting, seeing as how I can hit the notes, but can't make anything more than a breathy half-sound emanate from my vocal cords.
Lovely, huh?

I have taken steroid pill thingies to take down inflammation and some strong codeine cough syrup stuff. It's supposed to make me tired, but absolutely no effect yet.

Don't you just love being sick? It's fun, really... um, no.

I've researched Europe, I'm SO EXCITED. And then I saw Radio, with the Christmas part, and it made me sad, to think how I am going to miss my family, around Christmas........

I want to go over to someone's house tomorrow, or I'll have a realllllly boring day... *yawn*

*sleepily* Maybe this codeine stuff is kicking in...
::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/14/2004 09:54:00 PM:.
...
.::Endings::.
::So... I've graduated. Ending. We've had our last Sisterhood party, sort of, minus Val and Anna. I've said a final good-bye to three people whom I'm going to miss greatly.... Nick, Liz, Heidi. It's only now hitting me that I won't see them for at least a year. It's just depressing to think about.
Email. AIM. Blogs. Updating. NECESSITY.
I am singing at church for the third to last time today. I've already said my final good-byes to a few people who I may see sort of, but not sing with again: Emily, Rachel, Danna, Rose, Kenzi, and the rest of the Teen Choir. More people too, but those are certainly the ones I'll miss the most.
Email is really a great tool.
Lots of endings.
I have some new beginnings coming.
The friends who I MUST see again before June 25th, as that is our final decision leaving day: Jesse, Simon, Val, Anna. Call me.::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/12/2004 01:07:00 PM:.
...
.::HA! True...sort of::.
::
Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who!


What Monty Python Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/11/2004 10:09:00 PM:.
...
.::Optimism::.
::I'm SO DONE!
With..um... Actually, never mind. I don't WANT to be done with school. I don't want to be done with babysitting. I don't want to be graduating, and I don't want to leave Charlotte, and I don't want to sing for a last time at Meck...
But I have a host family, in Bonn nonetheless, I have lots of email addresses and addresses for when I'm in Germany and want to make a huge shipment of chocolate to friends and Meck... ;-)
Which reminds me, I must email Rick about shadowing... that'd just be fun...
Meckmeckmeck.... I have to miss a Midweek for graduation. I'm very annoyed about this. I'd rather be singing at Meck then singing 'Somewhere' at graduation... I'd rather listen to P.Jim giving a talk than Dr. LaBorde, or whoever they have that actually gives talks... yeah, I'm kinda pissed about that. I want to go to Meck this Wednesday! I have only missed one Meck day, ever, for Hello, Dolly, where a practice lasted until 9.30. I did NOT want to miss that, but I couldn't drop play practice last minute... and I've come whether I've been sick, well, whatever.... so this bugs me. Particularly seeing as I only have two more midweeks and two more weekends to attend! Oh no! This is very sad. I'm glad I have some of the signatures I have for my album. Danna's signature is funny, the smiley face that she drew...hahahahahaha....
Northwest: I AM LEAVING! NO! That's so sad. Maybe I'll bring the camera tomorrow, take lots of pictures around... it's sad, it really is.
I'm graduating, and I don't even really want to.
AND I'M GOING TO BONN!!!!! HOW AWESOME!!!!!
*sets off to email a couple people that just need to be emailed*::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/07/2004 10:18:00 PM:.
...
.::Idina Menzel::.
::Idina Menzel is awesome!! Idina Menzel soooo rightfully won that award.
That's it. Just had to say that!::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/06/2004 10:42:00 PM:.

.::Anna::.
::I have a host sister. Her name is Anna. She is four months and four days younger than me. I also have a host brother, aged 12, and a host dog ;-) named Tony who is a golden retriever. I will live in Bonn, Germany, which is where Beethoven lived, and which is only eight hours from London, eight hours from Vienna, five hours from Paris, two and a quarter hours from Amsterdam, and two and a half hours from Antwerp. OH MY GOSH!!!!! I AM SO, SO, SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D
Anna called today. I was sort of confused... like, who is this German girl, and why is she calling me?
BECAUSE I'M GOING TO LIVE AT HER HOUSE!!! We're going on a ski trip in the winter. We're going to have lots and lots of fun. I will live a couple minutes from school, I can walk there, I can walk to the church which is right behind us, I can walk to downtown Bonn, I can walk to the park... I AM GOING TO LIVE IN BONN!!!! HOLY CRAP!!!! I AM LIVING IN BONN NEXT YEAR!!! HOW COOL IS THAT?!
I'm SO HAPPY over the new information of host family....
AAAHHHH!! This is SO COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLL!!!!!!!

I repeat that I was insane last night, please come back? I can't believe myself, I must have been high on Motrin or something, plus I was sick, I had a horrid headache... what am I doing explaining it away, it was still wrong. Scary thing is I was in such a weird funk that I can hardly remember it at all, I don't even remember what I said, that's really scary, never happened to me before. Maybe next time I have a headache I won't take two tablets of Motrin. One is not supposed to do that....


AAAAHHHHH! I AM MOVING TO BONN!!!!!!! :-D!!!!!!!::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/06/2004 09:22:00 PM:.

.::between::.
::And I saw the last post, and wanted to revise it, because I'm not sure, actually. Am I sorry? Do I even care? Yes, I care. I'm a nice person, I can't just do that, without feeling guilty. I can't just smash someone else just because. I can't just do that... so I feel horribly repentant. But maybe some of it is true, huh? Maybe we should go back in time. I like that a lot better. Remember that conversation? I'm going back in time. To before that.

I'll see you in a month. Maybe we'll fix it then.

Until then, how about we go back in time.

And leave it be.

Let it rest.::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/06/2004 12:20:00 AM:.

.::Allison the Bitch::.
::I can't believe I just did that to you.
I'm insane, I swear, I'm insane.
I'm so sorry.




Forgive me?




I'm so freaking sorry.




I am going to sleep now.




Oh, God, I'm sorry.::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/06/2004 12:18:00 AM:.
...
.::Fiyero...::.
::No Good Deed is SUCH a good song.

I wanted to update... but I have nothing to say.

Come to Meck tomorrow morning because our service (namely the barbecue thingy and the closing song) really kicks ass. I'm serious.... this is one of our best services ever. I haven't seen the message yet, but I'm sure it's really good. Come... come see it.... right now... really do. We have services at 9.30 (no, don't come to that, it's too early!) and 11.00. It is a really... really... really good service....
:-)

~A

I just realised that I signed it, to give it an presence of formality... hmm.

Totally disregard yesterday's entry, I don't know, I was in a weird mood, don't know why I posted it, maybe I'll delete it... I'm not an overly emotional person, not like that.... *considers deleting*::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/05/2004 10:47:00 PM:.
...
.::where are you::.
::Gee, that was REALLY nice of you.
Feel the sarcasm.
Thanks. My day had been going really well.

Wait, so I was going to talk about my good day. Scratch that. Don't you love feeling disliked? It's fun.

Okay, I'm overreacting. I'm just... pissed.

So I loved Harry Potter 3... right. It was great.

I am listening to Wicked right now. I like it a lot. I have listened to Defying Gravity so many times, and I've only just gotten the CD...

Hmmm, well, I suppose I should tell everyone, but you know what? I don't feel like it. I've got a lot of stuff going on in my life right now. School's almost out. Five hours of school left, and that's it... forever.... or at least for now. Only American high school I'll ever have to go to again. Graduation on Wednesday. Then will I even hang out with anyone anymore? Who freaking cares. Right? RIGHT. Maybe that's how it seems, now... I'm going to be detached, how else shall I separate this life here, how else shall I be able to leave. To go back to barren MI, and leave my life behind.

That's why I can't have a relationship, maybe? Why I'm afraid to get to caught up in any one person or thing, because it can't last? Because it's just not going to go on forever, I'll leave... To some extent, this has heightened my sense of Carpe Diem. To some extent, this has made me more distant. I don't have anyone that I tell everything to. I mean... who can trust people, in general. People are imperfect. People make mistakes. I acknowledge this; I make mistakes. So does everyone else, and I don't want mistakes causing me troubles, not another person's mistakes, to be too close is to risk oneself, and to be vulnerable. Can't do that.

I can't name my mood right now.

I wish you were here, right now. I wish you were here with me beside me holding me letting me feel rejected yet safe letting me feel alone yet letting me feel like I have someone to hold to go to to cry to.... letting me feel.

I realise I just don't feel, sometimes. Disguise my feelings, I'm happy, I'm optimistic. I truly am happy, most of the time, but then all the emotion hits, one wave, and I sit on the computer, and.... life happens.

Damn, I wish you were here.::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/04/2004 07:38:00 PM:.

.::My Little Pony::.
::
You're My Little Pony!! Sweet and innocent and
happy, you make people want to spew burrito
chunks. Even a Care Bear could kick your ass.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/04/2004 06:56:00 PM:.
...
.::It is life itself::.
::I just designed Alyssa's blog layout here. It's ... awesome. I want to design another. If you want me to... tell me... give me a subject matter and free reign and I will design... HTML is really fun. :)::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/03/2004 08:47:00 PM:.

.::Wicked::.
::Yearbooks are fun.
Last chamber choir ever today. Last APUSH too. We had food in Chamber Choir and not in APUSH, but I brought oreos... so I enjoyed APUSH too ;-).
I only have second exams today.
At Chamber Choir I listened to the Wicked soundtrack because Lauren Segal had it. I AM IN LOVE WITH IT. I want it... right now... to listen to it... I LOVE Defying Gravity (or is it called just Gravity, I don't know.. but it's the best song... I love it) and No Good Deed and so many others... ahh! It's good. I am going to go to Best Buy tonight and buy it... because I really want it... right now.
--I spontaneously changed my mind about remaining section being on public blog. So it's now on private.--::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/03/2004 02:00:00 PM:.
...
.::Hehehehehehehe::.
::::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/02/2004 11:41:00 PM:.

.::Emily Van Dyke Fan Club::.
::There are a few people who are really truly awesome in this world. I would like to present one of the few Most Awesome Person Awards to Emily Van Dyke, who is... one of the most awesome people ever. And the arts team deserves some sort of awesomeness award too. THANK YOU, EMILY, FOR BEING AWESOME!
I got an award in chemistry. Woo-hoo. Can't you just feel the excitement? Sarcasm so thick you could cut it with a knife.
Meck rules. Meck RULES. MECK RULES! I want to go there... right now... and sit and have coffee with just that little group of fun people I served with today... and just enjoy myself. It's just so.... so.... well, so GOOD. So GREAT. So FUN... the banter, the practices, Rick's randomness, John's... Hoagie-ness?, Emily's awesomeness, Rachel's Allison-look-alike-ness.... and serving together... I mean, whoa. I LOVE MECK. I LOVE MECK SO MUCH. Everyone on the whole freaking arts team HAS to sign my photo book. I LOVE YOU ALL! GO MECK!
(Oh. And click the Friends link that says "The Flairish Cassie", and read the post with the star article.. VERY INTERESTING!)::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/02/2004 10:24:00 PM:.
...
.::Every Time We Say Goodbye::.
::If you read my blog, if you're reading this post right now, post a comment or a note on the Tagboard. I'm just curious to know as to who actually reads my blog. Some little things said by people made me realise that they read my blog, even though I didn't realise it... if that makes sense? I don't know, I'm tired, I've got a headache... In any case, comment or tagboard away! Say anything from "Kerfuffle" to "Paul Merton" to whatever you want, really, it doesn't have to be much ;-) just... a comment! :)
::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/01/2004 10:34:00 PM:.

.::Give me an R! Give me an O! Give me an L!::.
::I AM SO DONE WITH ROL!
No more English III AP work. Ever. That's almost sad... and really victorious... I HAVE CONQUERED ENGLISH III AP! YES! YES! YES YES YES!!!::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/01/2004 12:45:00 AM:.
...