.::So...::.
::Yeah.
Erm, I'm sorry for not calling you back, I've been quite preoccupied, I'm calling tomorrow, I will...
I'm so exhausted. I can't sleep. I fall asleep around 2 or 3 in the morning, and wake up around 7 or 8. I do logic puzzles all hours of the night just to have something to do with my insomnia.
My AP scores ROYALLY SUCK. I'm SO DISAPPOINTED with my English. I wish I had done better with APUSH, I wasn't expecting to, but it saddens me anyway.
I suppose I could post them, it doesn't matter. English->4, APUSH->3. Sucky sucky sucky. I'm sure everyone else did a million times better. I should have studied more for APUSH, worked harder for English, memorised my Schemes and Tropes notebook, practiced more essays... agh.
Everything is just not cool right now. I want to go back to Charlotte SO badly...
In the Secret is finally up on the Meckarts website, I was really happy, but then as I was listening to it... homesickness kicked back in again. Yes, homesickness.
I normally don't mind moving, what's WRONG with me?!
ladedadeda, it's 12.15, I still can't sleep.
I am directly next door to my parents, I can't talk on the phone at night anymore. That's sad.
I've been studying the Bible at night, it's really fascinating. And doing logic puzzles. Studying stuff out of a calculus book, reading Harry Potter with a Whitesidean twist, studying Germany, learning all the words to every CD I own, or at least, what I didn't know already, studying the intricacies of a certain person's voice in the few recordings I have, because of the charlotte homesickness that's been wreaking havoc in the mind of Allison for the last few days. I'll be fine when I'm in Germany, but the whole Michigan thing just seems so pointless that I find it hard to cheer up.
We saw Spiderman 2. It was pretty good. I really liked it. Dr Otto Octavius is really awesome. Tobey Maguire is really cute. I mean, erm, I liked the movie for other reasons too. Tobey Maguire is not the reason I wanted to see it. Really. (I give this up. I am so unconvincing.)
I like calling Pepsi 'pop'. It's nice to be able to do so again.

Reasons I like Michigan:
1. Pop
2. Hanging out with the relatives on my mom's side.
3. I have a computer in my room.
4. I'm leaving it in three weeks and six days, possibly sooner!
5. Walking around downtown Lake Orion with Deanna, and swinging on the swings, and making fun of foundation and the RV convention.
6. Re-acquainting myself with David DiPiazza, great cousin...

Reasons I want to be anywhere but here:
1. Weather
2. It's not Charlotte...
3. No church
4. Forced hang-out time with my cousins on my dad's side
5. No money-making opportunities in the short time I'm here
6. I don't really like Michigan people in general, they're not very nice.
7. It's not really very interesting. I mean, all there is is to go Up North, which is a region basically three-fourths of the state of Michigan. I still think they should make shirts that say "My parents went to Upnorth, MI, and all they got me was this lousy T-shirt."
8. People aren't nice drivers either. Such a rush, always.
9. The little tiny house in the little tiny neighborhood with all the people who've lived here for like seventy years.

Jeez, I probably look so spoiled. Oh, pity me, I'm living in a place I don't want to. This is horrible. Ignore this entry when thinking of my personality. I'm just...... I don't know. I've had the opportunity to do so many great things, I mean, hello, I'm going to Germany in just a few weeks, I'm leaving for Tuebingen in only 29 days. Four weeks and one day. CIEE starts in three weeks and six days. I got to know all the wonderful, amazing people I know in Charlotte. I have all the mentors that I do, I have all the resources I do, I got to graduate, I have my whole life ahead of me, I'm only 15, Michigan isn't going to kill me and I might, horror upon horrors, find something I like about it.
But I don't WANT to see all of that right now. I need to have my fit of rage, I need to be able to cry more than anything else instead of sit around all night and be unable to sleep, unable to be upset, unable to do anything. I need emotion. No, I need release. I need a shoulder to cry on, or rather, an ear to complain to, a person to turn to, a place to go. I want someone from Charlotte, someone who is probably unaware of their importance, to tell me something that will make me feel a million times better. I need some sleep, I need something to go do, more time alone to brood but a better time and place to do it, and I need to go home. Is there anything else I can say? I need someone to turn to... someone who understands.... God, I wish I could magically create everything I need, suddenly do everything I want to do.




I'm going back to blaring my Christian music and searching the Bible for the meaning of loss. Oh, but I've already found it. Thank you, God, for being there...::

.:Arakatze blogged on 7/02/2004 12:08:00 AM:.
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