.::where are you::.
::Gee, that was REALLY nice of you.
Feel the sarcasm.
Thanks. My day had been going really well.

Wait, so I was going to talk about my good day. Scratch that. Don't you love feeling disliked? It's fun.

Okay, I'm overreacting. I'm just... pissed.

So I loved Harry Potter 3... right. It was great.

I am listening to Wicked right now. I like it a lot. I have listened to Defying Gravity so many times, and I've only just gotten the CD...

Hmmm, well, I suppose I should tell everyone, but you know what? I don't feel like it. I've got a lot of stuff going on in my life right now. School's almost out. Five hours of school left, and that's it... forever.... or at least for now. Only American high school I'll ever have to go to again. Graduation on Wednesday. Then will I even hang out with anyone anymore? Who freaking cares. Right? RIGHT. Maybe that's how it seems, now... I'm going to be detached, how else shall I separate this life here, how else shall I be able to leave. To go back to barren MI, and leave my life behind.

That's why I can't have a relationship, maybe? Why I'm afraid to get to caught up in any one person or thing, because it can't last? Because it's just not going to go on forever, I'll leave... To some extent, this has heightened my sense of Carpe Diem. To some extent, this has made me more distant. I don't have anyone that I tell everything to. I mean... who can trust people, in general. People are imperfect. People make mistakes. I acknowledge this; I make mistakes. So does everyone else, and I don't want mistakes causing me troubles, not another person's mistakes, to be too close is to risk oneself, and to be vulnerable. Can't do that.

I can't name my mood right now.

I wish you were here, right now. I wish you were here with me beside me holding me letting me feel rejected yet safe letting me feel alone yet letting me feel like I have someone to hold to go to to cry to.... letting me feel.

I realise I just don't feel, sometimes. Disguise my feelings, I'm happy, I'm optimistic. I truly am happy, most of the time, but then all the emotion hits, one wave, and I sit on the computer, and.... life happens.

Damn, I wish you were here.::

.:Arakatze blogged on 6/04/2004 07:38:00 PM:.
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